


Eternity

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-25
Updated: 2006-04-25
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin discuss their relationship





	Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Eternity

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"Brian" 

_"Dear"_

_"Will you always love me?"_

_"What makes you think I do NOW?"_

_"Since you whisper it every time we climax"_

_"Considering the circumstances..."_

_"I didn't pressure too much, did I?"_

_"You know I don't actually mean what I say during SEX"_

_"So you didn't really mean it when you said I had the most perfect ass"_

_"THAT I meant without doubt"_

_"So you DO mean what you say during sex"_

_"Not all of it"_

_"Brian, you can't fool me. You never could... I already know that you love me, so why keep on hiding it and running away from the only thing that feels right? There is no point in denying it anymore"_

_"Denying what? There is nothing here to deny"_

_"You told me that you love me"_

_"JUSTIN"_

_"No. I just need to get something straight..."_

_"Nothing about you or me is straight"_

_"That much covered, but it's not what I meant. You could play "ignorant" Brian for a while, but I ain't buying it. You see, if I were Michael, you would have probably managed to fool me and spin me around on your finger. Only problem is, I'm not Michael so being mean to me has never really worked"_

_"Am I being mean to you?"  
"At the moment, you are"_

_"I didn't mean to"_

_"Give me a break Brian, will you? Do us both a favor and admit the truth: You mean it ALL. When you push me around or push me away... when you hurt me and please me. You mean every word that is_ _coming out of that mouth. Moreover, you would never regret or apologize for something you have said, and most certainly wouldn't lie about it later on"_

_"I am telling you the truth, god damn it!"_

_"And the truth is that you did not mean it? That you do not have any emotion for me?"_

_"I'll admit Justin that we have been through many things and have been brought closer during time... I would also admit I have something for you. But I cannot call that emotion LOVE just yet, since I never knew what love really is"_

_"Brian... I know your family did not bother to teach you the meaning of love. I also know you got your heart broken during school times, but that has nothing to do with..."_

_"Say what?! Who the fuck told you THAT? I mean... that didn't happen"_

_"I thought you weren't the kind of person who lies. I guess I was wrong"_

_"Did Mickey tell you about this? Of course he did. The bastard!"_

_"He didn't mean to. We were just talking..."_

_"About me, as usual. Can't you both get a fucking hobby already?"_

_"Just so that you know, I have PLENTY of hobbies; most of them involve you and a bunch of dildos attached to my behind or pushed into my mouth"_

_"Lucky you"_

_"Indeed. Now where were we?"_

_"We were having our one of many necessary discussions for the week when all of a sudden, you started blabbing on and on about me pushing 9 inch dildos inside your ass"_

_"I didn't say they had 9 inches"_

_"It's the biggest in stores"_

_"Whatever. That doesn't really matter, does it?"_

_"In fact..."_

_"Stop it right there and listen to me, just for one fucking minute!"_

_"I'll be right here with a time clock"_

_"Don't you dare timing me, since it is going to take far more than one minute to get some things clear"_

_"They look pretty clear to me"_

_"Then I suggest you get your sight checked"_

_"My sight is perfectly fine. My head however..."_

_"Should I get you a pill?"_

_"Don't get me anything. I could go get it myself"_

_"But you prefer sitting here and whining about it"_

_"So said the official drama princess"_

_"I am not even going to comment on it. I'll just cut to the chase, so we could wrap it up ASAP"_

_"Your dick hurts too?"_

_"Who says anything about that? Now SEX Brian, was never the answer"_

_"You indeed have a point there. SEX is the question. Yes is the answer"_

_"You are fucking unbelievable, that's what you are"_

_"Tell me something I don't know"_

_"You are a heartless asshole!"_

_"I repeat, tell me something..."_

_"Do you want to hear something you don't know, Brian? Well, here it goes. Your past circumstances and personal fears has made you become a FUCKING sex machine. You avoid any rational, emotional contact with other people since your abilities have not yet been developed as a child"_

_"When did you become a fucking shrink Justin?"_

_"There's more. You never believed in love since you never knew what the word meant and one cannot possibly believe in something he did not experience or witnessed. Therefore you have been hiding in a desperate attempt to get away without knowing how love feels like. Unfortunately, one blond twink came into your life in one fateful night and stayed there for about..."_

_"4 years, 66 days and 35 seconds"_

_"Very accurate indeed. Have you been counting?"_

_"I wanted to know how much time will it take you to leave"_

_"So you suffered THAT much I see? Well not anymore. You can stop that fucking time clock right about now since I will no longer be staying here"_

_"I didn't suffer JUSTIN"_

_"Thank you very much"_

_"I mean it"_

_"I thought you don't mean what you say"_

_"Not during SEX"_

_"Whatever. Let's call it a night"_

_"No, you are the one who started this so you might as well sit down and enjoy the ride, cause this time I have no intention to back off until I get my message across. Are you listening?"_

_"Yes, I am listening"_

_"Good. I DID time us during those 4 years, and I did use it as an indication to the day you get your brains back and grow sober. I couldn't believe you actually wanted to stay with me all this time... I expected you to be gone like all the others. I didn't think you'll be up to it, dealing with my shit and trying to break down the walls I have built during these years. You are right. I do have a not so shining past, but once you came along, I can see a bit of sunlight in my future"_

_"BRIAN, I believe this is the most romantic thing you have ever said to me"_

_"The most romantic was "I love you" on the first night we had SEX"_

_"You remembered it. I'm impressed. Did you actually mean it?"_

_"I wouldn't lie to you. Back then, you were nothing but a trick to me..."_

_"Allergies"_

_"I bet"_

_"BUT?"_

_"But today... you are my partner, and we share things. So maybe I don't quite know what love means yet, but with you I have no doubt I'll figure it out. And I can't promise to say to you all these words you are longing to hear, and I won't buy flowers or ask you to marry me since it kind of contradicts my motto, my rules. However, along with the things I cannot promise, there is something I CAN keep"_

_"What is that?"_

_"My love"_

_"L=O=V=E? But you just said..."_

_"I don't believe in love. But wonder of all wonders, I have my heart pounding like crazy whenever you get too close... like this. I have my legs shaking when you rub your hand against my crotch... like that. I don't know what the hell I'm feeling. It's something I haven't felt in a while. When I thought all the doors are locked, you came in through the last that was still open, and managed to unlock them all"_

_"Did I?"_

_"You did. I couldn't admit it 4 years ago since then you were no different than any other guy I have been with. 3 years ago we had to solve some issues concerning the bashing. You were having nightmares... your hand was shaking every time you tried drawing. 1 year ago I had you living with Ethan. He was able to give you the things I couldn't... and I still can't give you those things. But you have my admission"_

_"Tell me something"_

_"Anything"_

_"When I was living with Ethan, did you lose count?"_

_"I did stop the time clock, and started counting once more once we got back. Isn't that pathetic?"_

_"Then you actually thought I would dump you?"_

_"Wasn't that stupid though. You DID leave me once before..."_

_"And I can't promise you one day I wouldn't just find myself some fresh meat to feast on, but I can promise you one thing: none of them is as good as you. I love you Brian Kinney and there is nobody out there who could ever be your replacement"_

_"Of course not. I may not have emotional skills but you have to admit I am a GOD when it comes to tongue skills... and cock movements"_

_"Definitely, however that is not the only reason I stay around"_

_"Why do you? I mean, if I were you I would probably given up a long time ago"_

_"As I said once before Brian, I love you and that is something I have absolutely no control on. The reason I didn't give up is because I am no quitter and I usually get what I want from whoever I want it. You were a mystery and I had to have you"_

_"Same here, had to have you"_

_"Only you wish you didn't"_

_"Why would you say such a thing?"_

_"Since it's the truth. You wish you didn't have me in the first place. I brought so much drama and pain into your life, forcing you to accept me and let me live in your house"_

_"I told you from the start you are welcome to stay"_

_"I am sure you didn't mean for me to stay THAT long"_

_"It was indeed a long time for some trick, yet not long enough for you"_

_"Brian"_

_"Why are you crying?"_

_"It's just that, you're being so damn romantic, saying those things to me. I never thought I'd hear you say them. I mean, I knew all along how you feel about me; I knew it was more than a FUCK..."_

_"Yet it started this way. You wanted to lose your virginity... I wanted to get rid of that hard on I had since the moment I took a first glance at you"_

_"Did I cause you a hard on?"_

_"Did and still do"_

_"I see... either way, your dick is nothing but hard all the time"_

_"Isn't that wonderful?"_

_"For me it is..."_

_"You think I'm not enjoying it?"_

_"Having that thing expanding every two seconds is not what I call FUN"_

_"But then I can do better by pleasuring you"_

_"Allergies... again"  
_ _"You don't seriously think I'm buying it, do you?"_

_"Buying what?"_

_"Justin, you can't storm out crying every time I say something you did not expect"_

_"That way I'll probably find myself crying every second"_

_"Most likely you will"_

_"I'll try to get used to it"_

_"Like I got used to you?"_

_"Sometimes I feel that this whole relationship could have been missed"_

_"If you didn't insist that much and kept stalking me around it would have"_

_"Well, I didn't do it by choice. I often had those visions of you lying on top of me on our first night together. I remember you telling me you want me to enjoy this... to keep the feeling in mind. I kept it, not just in my mind. I felt you pushing into me the next day and the day after... I kept seeing your face, hearing you moans and cry my name out at the top of your lungs"_

_"You just made my dick hard, for the sixth time today"_

_"Sixth? Why didn't we take advantage of them?"_

_"Well, that's probably because some blond bombshell didn't pay attention to my woody and preferred_

_focusing on today's NEWS topic: Relationships"_

_"We had to talk it over. That way we could leave it behind us"_

_"Could? You mean... that's not over?"_

_"Not YET"_

_"I was hoping you could help me with my little friend over here"_

_"As much as I adore your not so little friend, we might as well postpone the help in hand"_

_"Just get us pass this"_

_"I can see the light"_

_"Are we dead?"_

_"Not quite yet, but by the time we'll finish this up, you'd wish you were"_

_"JESUS!"_

_"Well, he is quite dead himself so he might not be able to help you out"_

_"I guess not. My woody will just have to wait"_

_"Apparently. There is one more thing I wanted to clarify. On our first night, you told me: "No matter who you're ever with, I will ALWAYS be there" and you were. Still are... I could not quiet understand them back then but with time I began to realize the meaning of the words... You were right, Bri. Are we surprised?! You were always there. When I was fucking someone else or being rimmed by a stranger, it was YOUR voice I was hearing... YOUR tongue I was feeling down my throat"_

_"I didn't mean it that way"_

_"Do you mean it now? Will you always be there?"_

_"I am here now, and that must mean something to you"_

_"It means more than you could ever imagine, but..."_

_"But what?"_

_"Can you promise me FOREVER?"_

_"Not exactly"_

_"Explain"_

_"I can't promise you something I won't be able to keep. I can't reassure you things will forever remain_

_the same and never change. I also can't give you my word, knowing life can lead you down paths you didn't plan to go by. I don't know what tomorrow would bring"_

_"So I guess it's goodbye?"_

_"How can you always misinterpret everything? I am saying one thing and you get the other"_

_"We all have talents"_

_"It's not goodbye"_

_"Can you promise?"_

_"I already told you..."_

_"FOREVER is bullshit. Like any other thing I believe in... It is against your beliefs; it contradicts everything you ever hoped to achieve. Am I wrong?"_

_"You are asking for a lifetime"_

_"What's wrong with that?"_

_"I cannot give you eternity, no matter how much I love you"_

_"Is that a declaration?"_

_"You could look at it that way"_

_"But even though you love me..."_

_"I couldn't promise forever"_

_"Why is that?"_

_"I live by day Justin, and fuck by night"_

_"Could be vice versa"_

_"Could be. Anyway, I live day by day and let tomorrow lead me through another day"_

_"What about letting your love leading you instead?"_

_"I'm not saying I'd stop loving you. I couldn't even if I wanted to, which I don't"_

_"What ARE you saying then?"_

_"I am saying that I could promise you tomorrow but not the next day"_

_"But if you promise me tomorrows, then the next day is also a variation of a tomorrow"_

_"That's correct. GOD! You are smart... too smart"_

_"So? Where does THAT leave us?"_

_"I can't promise we'll be together for all time"_

_"Would you like us to be?"_

_"That has got nothing to do with me promising I'd be there anytime"_

_"It has everything to do with it. If there's a will, there's a way"_

_"Not always Sunshine. At certain times, choices are being made for you and you have nothing to say or_

_do about it. You could bitch around all you want, whine to your mother and drive your boyfriend out of_

_his fucking mind... that wouldn't help"_

_"Are you insinuating something?"_

_"ME? No way..."_

_"So let's just say you want us to be together always"_

_"What is always? Someday I might drop dead in my office or have a heart attack during a Sex Session"_

_"Not likely"_

_"There's always a threat... and I have no power on them since I am not a fucking Superhero"_

_"You ARE one to me"_

_"Not good enough for me to stop time and keep you by my side"_

_"So now it's me who is not likely to stay put?"_

_"It always has been you. Way too young, where as a whole new world is facing you. All you have to do is take one step towards the door. You can fucking have anyone. Why ME?"_

_"I have no idea why it's you that I want. I can point out so many things I admire about you, beginning with your honesty and devotion and ending with..."_

_"And here I thought it was my dick you were after"_

_"Among other things. It's not just physical and you know it"_

_"So you're actually saying you'd never go after someone else?"_

_"Considering the fact I have done it once before, I couldn't live up to that promise, but I could try"_

_"I could try too"_

_"So..."_

_"So I still can't promise an eternity but I promise you some effort"_

_"Then you want it, just the way I do"_

_"Of course I want it. Would I be spending that much time on you if I weren't?"_

_"Wouldn't be ethical of you to, Mr. Kinney"_

_"Don't you dare calling me that way while we're having a discussion"_

_"Hard again, aren't you?"_

_"For the Tenth time today"_

_"Are you counting THAT too?"_

_"Among other things"_

_"Will you be counting us again?"_

_"You are not upset about it, are you?"_

_"You are not still thinking I should grow sober and leave you alone, are you?"_

_"CHRIST! I hope not"_

_"You surprise me sometimes"_

_"By what?"_

_"You radiate confidence and unmistakable pride, yet most of the time you are having a self-esteem crisis which is preventing you from evaluating yourself properly"_

_"Says Doctor JUSTIN"_

_"In the flesh"_

_"That confidence is nothing but a façade"_

_"You SHOULD have confidence"_

_"I DO. I know I could have had every fucking guy on the planet, but now that I have the one I have always hoped for, I fear of losing him and not maintaining what I now have. I mean, there is the age matter you know. People are talking behind our backs... even our god damn parents, and there are also these two awfully painful memories of you leaving Babylon with Ethan and the bashing"_

_"You have nothing to fear Brian. I AM with you and this time I'm going nowhere"_

_"You can't promise. You said earlier you might just run away again with somebody your age"_

_"What's wrong with YOUR age? And by the way, have you looked in the mirror lately?"_

_"WHY? Do I have another gray hair?"_

_"NO! You are HOT as hell and every day I fear I might just lose you again. You might shut the door in my face and tell me to get the fuck out. You are a CLUB BOY Brian, and forever will be, whether you are 20, 30 or 100 years old"_

_"You have been talking much with Michael lately"_

_"It's not that obvious, is it?"_

_"Did you bring the new issue of Superman?"_

_"Gee, I am not quite sure. Why don't you do some body search and find out?"_


End file.
